Christmas 2012 @ 2:02am

It kind of sucks bringing in the holidays alone, even though I'm actually IN a relationship... Hmmmm. This feeling just keeps on getting interesting.

But, I won't say shit- I didn't last year and I won't this year. However this will be my last time starting off the holidays (Thanksgiving & Christmas & New Year) this way.

All the extra effort that I put into others happy, I will put into making ME happy. I already know that this means I will do lots of things alone but I'll be fine. I can't wait on her- just like my birthday, I have to ensure my own happiness. If she doesn't like it then she will step up. If not, I will step in a new direction.

Lots of disappointments but we'll see.

I'm tired of being alone and feeling left behind with her. I know she has issues but I also have needs and emotions. I've given a lot of time and invested a lot of energy- good, genuine, and pretty healthy energy. I hope she steps up before someone else does.

I guess she is in jeopardy of loosing me. Damn, this is a shitty feeling. :(

Merry Christmas 2012 (2:11am PST)