today was a difficult day. everything lacked value. everything hurt. everything was slient. everything was complex. everything is without something and something without substance.
tody sucked. it was like a dog chasing it's tale just without the excitment that comes with it. today was FORCED. today didn't come easy. today just was...today.
So this morning I woke to the annoying sound of my alarm clock and the racing thoughts of yesterday. Yes, the thoughts of yesterday. I just could not rest while I slept- not that I slept that much anyway. I tossed and turned the whole night. I could not stop my mind from thinking and my heart had no choice but to follow.
Everything that I have stored in my heart from my recent detachment from my 'friend', work stress, Cancer, financial strains, recent theft from a family member, Film school and even down to my mothers doctor appointment that she was unable to keep this morning (yes, Sunday) because she was too weak to walk down the stairs. My room is a mess. My hair needs to be washed. I'm under a lot of stress and some of it I can change but the others I have NO control over it. I do have some control over the quality of my life but I even feel as if I'm loosing a grip on that.
I need a vacation for about two weeks but I'm not able to take a vacation. I can't even escape for a few days. I don't feel rested just stressed.
I only feel the recent disruptions in these (above) relationships...
