I love my baby... Dude, it's 5:28am and I'm working on my BP & this Frank Ocean has her on my mind like crazy. I can't wait to kiss her. I miss her. #imThrowed

Nope, sure didn't !

I honestly thought that writing a blog entry before I start working on my Business Plan was going to remove my emotional writers block but that didn't happen. Ahh well. Fuck it.

Written_To_June

If I told you the number of times I think of you in a day…

would you think that I was obsessive?

If I confessed that you're the one for me- the one I want to marry...

would you run?

If I was utterly transparent and you could see my love, flawlessly...

would you treat me fair or take advantage

If I took the withered flowers from the dark places of my heart and offered them to you as a dowery...

would you still smell, put them in water and offer them an Aspirin

. . .

This love breaks me... Into something that I've only dreamed of in-part.

Oil painted master piece of mixed mediums, looking for the original source.

Love me surprised. Listen to my soul, for words are without my concepts understanding.

Let my caring for you shape you, thus shaping us.

I'll lead but you must follow. I promise to listen.

This [that you’re reading] is an offering of truths are that can not be captured with mere words. Just as love is a gathered amount of actions weighed on the heart- a concept, So are these lovely words I write to you- my hearts concept.

This [us & what you’re reading] is love in action. This is love in words. This is Loves’ conception.

-NS

Wed. 7/20/2011 @ 3:22pm

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sfz

...And maybe this will be just another relationship that will end before the full potential of my understanding buds.

I don’t know.

Analogy-me-this: Relationships are like pages of sheet music that you've been given for the first time.

I hope we all make it to the end.

It's that critical thing that drives me nuts about people. If I'm stressed, don't add to it. Goddamn!

Who's paging me?

It's Wednesday, at 3:22am and my ex, Courtney just texted me. Her text read, "You were an integral part of my first yr of the acting program. I'm inviting you to the ceremony on Friday at 1. If you'd like to come let me know". <--sent @ 2:56am.

Shit, I thought it was either my annoying as room mate or a twitter message.

I'm a little weird right now. I don't want to be with her. I don't want to have sex with her or anything like that. I do. honestly, wonder time to time how she is doing. I knew her struggle and geninuly cared for her. She was a pretty decent person but treated me like shit. She made it clear to me even thought I didn't accept it, that I wasn't high on her list of priorities. She broke up with me via a text message while I was on vacation.

I guess I still feel hurt that someone would treat me like shit especially since I tried and put in honest effort. I felt like she just dismissed me. Slammed the door in my face

Currently (in the last few months) I've been keeping my distance and wicked firm about it since I sent her the 'No. We can't be friends. You treated me like shit' text.

I'm not friends with ANY of my ex's relationshippers or anyone that I've have a ecounter with. I feel like she and I could potentially have a friendship but I'm not ready for that thus making my current relationship not ready to explore this possibility. I like things being uncomplicated and if having Courtney's energy around will complicate things then I'd rather not even go down that road.

I would however consider going to her graduation and leave before it's over so that we don't have to talk but I have a session. !!!!!!!!!!!! I care. I just know know how to. I've never felt [naturally] like or had a opportunity to be friends with my ex's, i guess.

This is all just weird to me. It's weird because I haven't really hurt yet still feel like I genuinely care for and ex. . .

this blog is shit. I'm sleepy and my brain to ready to shut the fuck down.

Sidenote: This/That texting me after 10pm is not okay. I will address that. She doesn't have access to me as she once did so texting me whenever you feel like isnt okay. She doesn't know that I am dating someone and its none of her business. I also have NO problem with telling her.

my eyes burn ... i will edit this shit another day. I need Zzzzzz.

I miss you KAD!

RT @ImToBlame: #Fellas when you find a chick that adores you..do whatever you have to do to keep her.