...Of Secret Confessions Pt.2

...I wonder what things would have been like if Eve would have been honest with God about her actions in the Garden. Just how much would things be different if she had laid her imperfecctions bare and was completely honest with God about her actions. What if she just would have said, "Fuck. Lord, I really messed up. I ate of the tree that you told me not to. I really jacked up". What if. I wondered if God would have honored her honesty?

Why is it that we hide our imperfections? Our imperfections, the very thing that someone else think's is wrong. If we are all imperfect then why do we hide? I would think that Eves' behavior would have taught us (especially me) something. I would think that it would have taught me to seperate what other think from what's in my heart and then seperate all that from my relationship with my higher power (the person or thing that I draw my morals from.)

I've been "safely hiding" pices of me from others, the same way that Eve hid (or tried to hide) from God. I have been secretive about my change and things that make me Nicole. I've been affraid of my chages for not wanting to be persecuted for my desires. I have not wanted to bare my onw cross, so to speak. But in recent days I've played the theme song to the TV show DL Chroicles as if it was in iTunes library and not on the website. www.DLchronicles.com

This songs has confronted me in the mirror and in my private thoughts. The theme song has called me from shame and hiding into a place that has dared me to be honest with myself, even in those places in my heart that I try to keep private from myself. . . WHO BETTER, MORE QUALIFIED TO SING MY LIFES CHRONICLES then ME!

Of Secret Confessions...

There's nothing like the first kiss. I'm talking about the first kiss that shows you while taking you into the emo-phyisical space that you didnt even know that you had been longing for. And even though you have never felt that way you know that it has to be the truth because of how it feels pressing up against your lips.

It's the feeling that you've aways wanted but couldn't have because of standards that have been placed on you by society or those surrounding you. . .

I think I am but to affraid to admitt it and own it. It's nothing that I want to take ownership of because of the disgrace that associated with it. Having just one more lable is enought to tip the scale of balance that I've been trying so hard to hold keep ahold to...

So yea, all this some from a kiss that I saw on TV tonight. In outher words... Yes, all this could happen after just one kiss.


*Do not ask them how I look, as if they could truly see. I am more than my surface protrays, I'm multi-layered complexity. Do not ask them how I am, how could they really know? Know, Know, know. I have not one allowed close enough to see the true me ever showed...it takes more...to comprehend...but who better, more qualified to sing my lifes chronicle, than me. ~DL Chronicles

Bubble

Man, I've been so focused on work, film and my mother that I haven't had nor made time to wonder or even consider what's been going on in the world.

It's been days since I have check my peronal email account and I am so happy that I did but if I were to say that they news that awaited for me in my Inbox was happy new would be a complete lie. It was the most recent update alert from CNN that shocked me and changed my entire mood of being work consumed to people consumed.

This picture (posted to the right) among others tken in China at a Middle School that was effected by Tuesday's 7.9 Earth Quake . The headline read; "Nearly 900 trapped at Chinese middle school". "Holy shit", was my reaction. Kids in JUYUAN, China , were in a afternoon Arts & Humanaties class when their 4-story classroom building collasped.

DAMN! This is fucking nuts. I wish that I was there comorting those parents that have had to or will see their child(ren) bodies carried out of the rubbish. This just reminds me of 9/11 even though it was not a terriost attak it still very much like that to me. I'm not sure why but I was sure that these people need or love and understanding. This is a pain that I never with you now but even my BUBBLE can't keep my heart from feeling...

with peace.

Nicole M Suell

May first