Nagging || House Of Love|| what's for breakfast

I have that nagging feeling in my gut AGAIN. It's my Red Flag system.

My dream hit on what I wrote about and how I feel.

I need more patience, awareness, validation, empathy, and more expression.

How am I?

The same nonchalant attitude and critique she gets from her family she gives to me. The more I'm around her and her dad I see it. It bothers me. Her family is tiring and emotionally draining. Most of everyone is tense and wound up- all the time it seems. That is the complete opposite of me. I guess that's partially why I feel emotionally tired. My family ( the selected few I'm around) we are NOT like that. KD is just like them. It's almost like she hasn't formed her own identity apart from them. How can she have a life with me when she's so entangled with them? How can we live together when she is still leaning on them and their opinions of her and looking to them for her emotional cues.

I don't want to live with her family. I want to live with her ( the person I hope (to god) she is.

She said that Che gets 'all my family' but I've started realizing that the things she accuses me of are usually projections of her own insecurities.

This relation is a emotional workout. I keep looking for a vacation but I'm not sure I'll get one- ever. Is this what the nagging in my stomach is about?

The way her dad treats her, her feelings, opinions, and concerns is the way she tries to treat me but I don't go for that shit. But the fact that I don't is why I'm tired of her. It's the reason that I find her to be difficult and a hand-full.

Where is she in all that? Will it be worth the wait? This is why I stand where I am. Personally, it's a lot for me and I have to emotionally take care of myself do I'm able to operate and function for the things on my side and in my life.

What keeps me in the relationship? Love. It's just that simple. When or if I feel like it's time to call it quits there will always be a door for us to restart the magic that I feel certainly we have.

I just may need a break.

I'm serious when I say that I don't want her to be intertwined with her family if we were to live together and marry, I am DEAD ass serious. In fact, if I don't feel different and see a difference I wouldn't live with or marry her- just as she wouldn't be able to deal with me if I was entangled in my family. Her autonomy has to come first. I need to know that she can have my back and won't forsake me. I want her to be strong for her ( first) and for us. US is big but I'm holding to my gun. I want individual Tx as well as couples Tx so we enter into a beautiful US the way we would a brand new house.

I hope she comes out of all this a new and beautiful KD. I hope my true-better-half is under there. I can't wish but I hope that faint words of my village members are correct and stand true about her.

To a better us!

Cheers.

Let's eat