Cha-Ching || A Unique Problem

The first thing I'm going to do is eat a good meal alone. I'm going to enjoy every moments of it. I picture that as being a vacation.

I don't think of vacations the way that people that are used to having a abundance. Internally, I don't think that poor people should have a vacation- better yet let me speak for myself... I'm not use to having a abundance. I'm used to having the bare minimum and wanting the extra/other stuff. Also my thinking is money is hard to come by so why spend it? Why be careless? To be spending money just to spend it is careless especially when you can pay your bills for a while or help other people.

I think maybe I would feel guilty being rich. I'd feel overwhelmed. I'd feel overwhelmed with ways I can help others, feeling like I shouldn't... I'm afraid of changing. I'm afraid that I'll change and take people and things in my life for granted. I'm afraid of not being appreciative. I'm afraid that I will turn into to the people that I see and hear about. I like me the way that I am... But I would also be lying if I avoided the grate ideas inside of me... I (almost 90%) know that if I move forward with these ideas I will prosper and succeed. I also know (d/ think) that it would bring me monetary success as well and that's scary to me. I mean really scary. This is such a double-edges sword because I feel the tug to do great but I also feel the anticipation of being great. If I grew up with money and [what I now know] stability [ to be] I wouldn't have this struggle.

Maybe this is the Bear Hunt that Janine was talking about...

"...what happens when you see the bear? You go back home and get in the bed."

She was wise. She understood me. She understood me because she was willing to understand me and not judge me. I really miss her. I wish she was near so I could give her a hug and cry and say thank you. I also have more to my journey...

Success is a unique problem. A unique problem.