My Blackness, Your Bullshit

`The other day my commitment to my Blackness was under scrutiny and not by a random stranger; my girlfriend. She said that I, based on evidence (words, mostly) "Romanticize Other Cultures More Than My Own".

At this very moment that brings to mind the statement that was made against me that I seem like the type of black person that dates outside of my own race. And it's implied more to mean, "do you even date black women?". What the fuck kind of statement is that? I date all women. I'm not hung up on race. I know who I am. I know the struggle of my people. I walk around in my BLACK skin every day. I have been denied jobs. I have been called a nigger. I have had white women grab the purses as I walk towards toward them going in the opposite direction. I have been asked if I am a recipient of Affirmative Action. Countless times I have been the only Black person at my jobs. I never water down or hide who I am. If anything I've gone to bat for us as a people in some of the most racially charged topics, productions and settings. I constantly protect who I am and who we are as a people against others.

I am a trailblazer in my own right.

Can you say the same?

I have encountered shit that you have no idea about. So Fuck you and your high-and-mighty ass for throwing stones at me and in front of my feet.

I can be black and full of life and culture without always having to be on the defensive, because I have a full understanding and know very well who holds the real power. And just in case you were wondering 'the power' isn't about WHO has the upper hand or the best reverse psychological advantage, but he who holds HUMILITY. It's that humility that makes it possible for me to be a bridge. I understand very well the 'Black Code Of Conduct' that blacks use to regard/judge other Blacks. I guess I have to fight my own even if they don't see the bigger picture. then I guess not only fighting the other side, I'm fighting my own side was well... I just didn't think that I would have to fight my own girlfriend.
. . .

I never would have thought that you would have said something like that to me. I never imagined that you would view me in such a way. As much as I say I enjoy that we are share being "bilingual and having to represent our culture constantly in minority settings' and that I enjoyed that we have the fact that this social-commonality existed between us... I really thought that we had that mutual understanding. I did not think that I would be indirectly partitioned to "hide" or be questioned in my own relationship.

I'm at a loss for words.