As if you were here.
It's only been a few hours since you left and I'm still unsure about how I feel. I'm not sure how I should feel about you. I'm not sure how what I should even say. However, I do know that I want you to "get it". I want you to really understand (socially & emotionally) what it is that I'm trying to convey to you.
We have been together for a while but I will say that I haven't been happy. Content, I have but not blissfully happy. What happened to that because it was once there. Maybe it's me. Maybe I should stop being so excited to see you and focus more on myself, the way that you seem to do. Maybe I should not follow through the way you seem to do and then blame it on me forgetting or say things like, "It just didn't come across my mind". Yea, maybe that's what I should do.
Just maybe I should be a mirror and mimic your figurative move and see if you see what it that I see when I look, listen and watch you. I want things to work but I know that its not going to and me wanting a miracle to happen isn't the answer. Some things just have to be learned with time. and time is the one thing that I can't give you. I can only give opportunities.
I want you to know that I'm not mad or even depressed about us. I'm grateful for the time and opportunity that you gave for me to learn just a little bit more about my character through our relationship. I totally understand what India.Arie meant when she said that "she was just grateful for the time that she spent with her special someone because she was grateful for the lessons learned about herself while in that relationship. My heart is open enough that if this really is over that if I ran into you in the future I would still have room in my heart for you and the possibility of an us again. If this is see-you-later or even goodbye I wish you nothing but love, self patience and for the fruition of your hearts desires.
5 comments:
I know this has been on your mind for a while. It's weird to read this b/c it reminds me of a situation I was in a few years ago. It sounds like you are or are moving towards being at piece with whatever the outcome of this relationship will be. That's good. With that peace comes the ability to focus a bit more on yourself and understand what things are important to you. I just feel like this is one stress you don't need or deserve right now. I think you know that though. You're close to moving on & I think you'll be happier when you do.
Wow....that is pretty deep and it expresses exactly how you feel and nothing else. I told you a long time ago that you don't need this at all. It sounds as if you are learning to be content with yourself and that is what you need to be at all times..once you are you will see that no one else can bother or hurt you. (beatnik)
I really hope it works out for the best. And if you do part ways you are doing it in the best state of mind: Not angry, vengful, or in a hast...Peacfully and with no grudges open and willing to work on things again if the oppertunity presents itself or at least be communicable in the future, if not friends. Take care beutiful. (Willetta)
Beautifully composed Nicole. I've had these feelings with guys I have dated and it's always hard. I hope you and your partner can still maintain a deep and loving friendship without the romance. I know the difficulty that comes with doing that, but a try will never hurt.
I think that instead of blogging this to the planet, you should have shared this with the one you are in love with. Blogs are great, but sometimes I think they are a way for cowards to openly express themselves without having to deal with the fear of rejection. Does your significant other know how you feel? Are you still together?
Clearly your feelings are probably stronger than you expected them to be.
All said in love.
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