Ambulance, emotional distance & Janine

It's 347 am and the ambulance just left. They took Branson to the hospital. Syl Sr. woke me and said call 911 he's sick. His BP was 101/170, sever abdominal pain, throwing up, and crying.

How I feel toward my family is normal for someone that's gone through the stuff I have with them. I care that they are okay but that's really all I have to give. I don't get too emotionally invested in them or too close to them. If you know me then you know how genuinely loving and caging I am. So, in order for me to say that it must be something sever and damaging. Me remaining where I am emotionally keeps me emotionally safe. I think that Janine would tell me that staying safe is the healthy thing to do. I can't change them, I can only change me.

Man, I wish she was around so that I could talk to her.

I really do miss my sessions with her.