Very Strange

I can not handel him dying. I just can't. Just when I think I'm cool on death and that it's taken its rightful space then this shit happens. I'm not sure what to make of all this but I know that I don't want to hear "I'm over reacting, it's a normal part of life, or just deal with it." I'm concerned about him which makes me concerned about her. I guess I never thought about him being sick or dying. Mentally I've been so consumed with my mom dying, her health and trying to anticipate her death that other peoples death have etched more sadness and disbelieve on my heart and logic simply because I did not and haven't expected it.