Mountain tops and robots

IDK. I've been feeling like affection is being rationed to me, from the way she kisses me to the times she says no to sex. This isn't a new feeling for me, I just don't say anything but why would I when she says things like, "what's wrong with you. Do you need sex. You must need sex!" in a way that makes me feel like I'm a kid that annoying their parent... That shit makes me feel rejected. It always has but I don't say anything because she is often stressed out and generally tense. I'm supportive and try to be extra supportive of her difficult attitude and try to ride with her high and lows.

Honestly, I do think she's less stimulated by me or maybe she takes me for granted. Before we started having sex she couldn't keep her hands off me and soon after we started having sex we would have sex a few times on the weekend. I don't want to program myself to be less affectionate or desensitize toward her. We would text sex and flirt with each other but now, who knows. Maybe she's comfortable...but I won't play the game of 'trying to figure out Trina' with myself. Sorry, i cant survive on sex once a week but I've been keeping a low sex profile with her. I'm not even mad. Being mad would only insure two things happening. In any case I'll just be cool and stay focused on my own activities. I have my own terms as well. If she had more sex- even with herself she wouldn't always be so damn tense. There's absolutely nothing wrong with me wanting sex. I feel like she withholds sex. I swear to the high heavens if I gave her exactly what she gave me she would think something is wrong. I already tested that theory and she kept asking if I was tired and what was wrong... I don't want to start with holding from her emotionally to feel like I'm getting back. In fact that exactly what i don't do because when i start to do that i lose complete interest and respect for the other person and ultimately i can kiss whatever dynamic (work, relationship, friends) goodbye. I KNOW ME. We are not at that point and i hope we never get there. Im frustrated but cant make me turn on the affection or sit on my face. Before I felt like she was into me and showed me genuine interest and flirted with me- and this is when she and I only say each other on the weekends and text during the week with minimal phone conversations...... Oh, wait! I still only see her on the weekends and we text. Oh. So what's the difference... Effort, affection and interest. I'm calling a Spade a Spade. Like I said, I'm not mad but I'm not and won't believe that im being needy, making everything about me, not being understanding. In any case the more i think about mull over it i can feel myself becoming irritated and i dont want to have those feelings in my chest today. So i choosing to keep cool about the situation and keep my focus. What will be, will be. I have a business to run.